So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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