On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the liver wants what the liver wants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
