while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
