You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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