What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I believe in your delicious
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
