dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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