I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
