Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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