She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
