So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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