my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
