k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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