Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
