five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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