the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
