ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
