It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
thus making me awesome and them whores
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
