when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
