It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
