Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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