sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
