I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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