Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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