I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
