I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
