Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
