Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
