we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
