mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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