Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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