talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
