He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I met the friendliest cop last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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