Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
