it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
