I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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