She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
