If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
