You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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