No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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