Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
