Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
