Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
