Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
