Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
