weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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