I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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