I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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