after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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