If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
