i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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