You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
only if we run a train.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet