in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive