Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

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(602): I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left. http://tfl.nu/dy5w

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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(484): Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd. http://tfl.nu/wjyh

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest

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(609): I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest http://tfl.nu/t023

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(708): View more from Illinois

For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...

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(708): For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night... http://tfl.nu/rl66

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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(774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua

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(858): View more from California

God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

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(858): God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext http://tfl.nu/49np

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

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(780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189

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(845): View more from New York

I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties

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(845): I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties http://tfl.nu/lvqb

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive

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(306): I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive http://tfl.nu/z4k9

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

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(501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.

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(423): I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you. http://tfl.nu/8fht

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(916): View more from California

When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.

(1-916): View more from California

Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off

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(916): When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong. (1-916): Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off http://tfl.nu/emwi

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(303): View more from Colorado

Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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(303): Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs. http://tfl.nu/8ywt

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(574): View more from Indiana

most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water

(1-574): View more from Indiana

desperate times, desperate measures

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(574): most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water (1-574): desperate times, desperate measures http://tfl.nu/2k3a

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