I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now