I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch