so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.