The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
