What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara