I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
