i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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