he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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