Moan for me like Helen Keller
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?