don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.