I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh god the rape fog is back!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.