well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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