Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
