what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
