What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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