I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
