Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
