While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
