Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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