everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Pooping to opera.
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