Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
