I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
