So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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